My very first blog

This (obviously by the title) is my very first blog...I am very excited about it because I have had it on a to-do list for months and I have totally been procrastinating on it...it's funny when you want to do something but you are afraid to do it, so you find ways to avoid doing it...even though you really want to! I'm afraid, like all writers/creators/inventors, whatever you want to call someone who wants to have a blog, I'm afraid that a) no one will read it and b) if they do read it, they wont like it! So, it's totally a double edged sword (know in advance that i will be making errors in spelling and grammar, I'm sure I will improve with time, but as long you enjoy my words and understand what i'm trying to say, do the errors really matter?)

I honestly don't have much to say at the moment, this is really just one of many steps i am taking towards my ultimate goal of being a stand up comedian and having a podcast and a blog and all of the things i am creating now, with no experience or "creds" to back me up...I am creating all of this from nothing, following my passion for entertainment and love for comedy. I am very much afraid of making a fool of myself or not reaching the dreams i have, but i know that as long as i continue to not pursue them, i will continue to living a miserable life where I'm never totally happy because I am a coward for not going after the things i truly care about...

This is my first step...creating this blog, i'm trying to figure out how to broadcast my "podcast"...so far it's just me talking into my laptop, but i have recorded and will continue to record conversations my bro and i have had and same with my buddy Keon and I...we always seem to find some really interesting things to dive into...so if i can figure out how to make that happen, i will link that to this blog for sure!

This is me riding a high after a shitty day, but ending it with some hot yoga and a healthy meal, so I am motivated to start doing...no more planning and thinking about doing things in my life, but actually making real actions in my reality! I felt myself thinking back during my yoga session to why i ended things with my ex..because i wanted to pursue all of the things i want in my life...and i realized that i let go of something so amazing for what? So far, for nothing...i haven't done any of the things i had invisioned...so it's time for me to start making moves, to start doing all of the things i decided i wanted when i chose to be single...it's time for me to move on with my life and become that person i want so badly to be...

It's crazy, even typing this gives me more energy to do more, to keep growing and advancing...this is how i want every day to be, continual growth and learning and emotional, spiritual, physical development...I think that is what life is about. My mission in life is to find peace, fulfillment, and happiness in all things, to find that true love of myself and others that so few are able to really hold onto no matter what the circumstances...I started this journey when i decided to end a relationship...the same day I felt like a man for the first time...the day I made the hard decision because i had to, not because it was easy or because it would be beneficial to me (at least not in the short term)...I made it because I felt something in my soul that told me that something wasn't right and I needed to do what was right...right for her and right for me...even if it meant crushing her and feeling guilty and horrible myself.

I stick with the belief that things will get better, that I will end up where I am meant to and that I will become that person I know I can be, if I just let him be...I talk about becoming this awesome person, when i know all along I already am, I just need to get out of my own way...that's one of many lessons she tried to teach me...she always tried...

I think that's good for one night...midnight on the dot...didnt even mean to do that :)

Until next time...